[ja-de]

7 dwarfs


The seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, & because they are
'The Seven Dwarfs' they get ushered into see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son", says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there

any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks
for a moment and answers, No Dopey, there are no dwarf
nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs
begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter and once
again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry
glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY
dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing,
pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they
begin chanting:

"Dopey screwed a penguin"
"Dopey screwed a penguin"

[ja-de]

A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer.
He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired,
"Can you tell me how much you charge?"
“Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge £500 to answer three questions."
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

[ja-de]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,
and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,
about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says,

'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you
and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'




(you're gonna love this)













The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan,
His old man's a Rolling Stone.'


(You're singing it, aren't you?
Yeah, I know you are......................)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned didn't you?



Have a lovely day

[Jess68]

Car sticker slogans

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

[Jess68]

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one
Friday evening that reads:

"Dear Wife, I am 54, and by the time you receive this letter
I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy
18 year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for
him that read as follows:


Dear Husband, I too am 54, and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome
and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant
will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than
54 goes into 18."

[ja-de]

Blonde pole dancer.



Please be warned that this might offend.

Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer

If you should find it too offensive,
please advise, and I will try to amend the problem!!!





Please scroll on Down.......












You have been warned!!

[Jess68]

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
new car.

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.


Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

[ja-de]

Please do not forget your flu shot!!!!
The First Half of this makes sense,
but I think the second half 's better.

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Get plenty of exercise because
exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day,

go for a swim,

take the stairs instead of the lift, etc..

Wash your hands often.If you can't wash them,
keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.

Think about it...

When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!

My mother always said,

"A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!"

[ja-de]

Originally Posted by Brassed off

Posting the following for Ja-de - she's having a few problems registering on here

Thanks Bo

[ja-de]

An Englishman is having breakfast in Paris, one morning
(coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam)
when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.
The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless,
starts a conversation:

Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'

Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't.
In France, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform t
hem into croissants and sell them to England'.

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'

Englishman: 'Of Course.'

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).
'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast,
then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers,
recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to
England .'
After a moment of silence,

The Englishman then asks: 'Do you have sex in France?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

Englishman: 'We don't. In England , we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to
France .'