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This is quite a long story so bear with me please!! Im just getting a little bit down in the dumps with everything - I cant talk to any of my friends or family as my mum will just yell at me and tell me to move back home immediately (thats her answer to everything!! - and Im not some young teenager either, Im nearly 28) so Im hoping someone can give me some advice.
I am at the moment living with my partner, who is 10 years older than me. We have been together for almost 2 years and have been living together for about a year and a half. I am also his carer as he has mental health problems following a breakdown that he had not long before we met.
I love him to bits but he drives me mad sometimes! I realise that his illness limits him in certain things but he expects me to do more or less everything!I think the crunch has come recently - he decided to swap his current account from HSBC to Alliance and Leicester, and I had to do everything - sort all his documents out, answer all the lady in the bank's questions - I even have to open his post from them and explain everything to him! Thats in addition to getting him up in the morning, choosing his clothes for him, doing any little tasks he needs doing like form filling, phone calls etc, as well as doing the housework.
Ive just got a new job and 'I'll be full time again as I had to drop my hours previously as he was saying he felt very anxious when I went out and left him alone but Im really worried its going to happen again. This job is really important to me which he knows but Im struggling to cope with having to do everything for him and trying to keep myself going as well. To add to this, I had my 5th miscarriage in late April, and since then he has said he doesnt want to have sex with me in case he gets me pregnant again. I feel more like his mother than his partner and its really getting me down!!! My head has been a bit of a mess lately due to an 'encounter' from my past with a certain famous person that has come back to haunt me and has completely wrecked my head, he does know about this and is trying his best to help me but Im just miserable all the time with it and really cant cope with trying to be Superwoman right now.
I am not expert in matters such as this other than I have a brother who has spent the last 15 years in exactly the same situation so any advice I give is based on my observations of my brother and his family.
My brother was a strong willed, easy going and happy person and now he is not. He also suffers anxiety and other mild mental health problems due to looking after his partner in the same way that you are doing. It seems that the anxiety and depression that his partner developed somehow passed over to him. It makes me sad and angry to see especially as I know that she exaggerates her illnesses to get the maximum out of my brother.
It appears that your partner needs professional help and you have to also consider that your constant tending to his every whim is not necessarily going to help your partner get any better...
You’re 28 and have a lot of your life left in front of you. Put yourself first. If he does not want to have a child then find someone who does. Don’t let his insecurities and anxieties hold you back from having a fulfilled and happy life.
Good luck with the new job and perhaps with a new start and direction in life.
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Could do with some advice please...
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